Walk In the Rain
by SanoGirl
Summary: ONE-SHOT SONGFIC. Micheal feels more and more trapped as each day goes by at the STN-J. A look into his past reveals a lot about him and why he is the way he is. Soon after, he finds hope in a rainstorm and a small act of kindness.


Wow, thanks SO much to everyone who's read and reviewed this! ^.^ You have no idea how much it means to me as a writer to get so much positive feedback. And yes, the song "_Rain_" is from the Cowboy Bebop Soundtrack. (I think from episode 5 specifically) Anyway, it's an awesome song and Cowboy Bebop is great too.

And as for writing more, well . . . I have!! I'm currently in the process of writing "I Cannot Offer You Freedom" which is a Robin/Michael fic. So if you want to, you can take a look at that.

Once again, thank you a million times to everyone who has reviewed and given their suggestions; it really helps me, more then you think. Arigatou! ^-^

~SanoGirl

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Walk In the Rain

~~~

"_I don't feel a thing,_

_and I stopped remembering._

_The days are just like moments turned to hours._"

The clicking of computer keys filled the room, accompanied by the scratchy sound of rock music played too loud through headphones. Papers and files were scattered all throughout the large room, both on the desk space not taken up by the many computers and on the floor. Wrappers and empty donut cartons littered the floor around one such computer, and an empty soda can soon joined them.

Tapping feet kicked aside the can and it skidded across the floor to join a pile of old papers; anyone who walked in at this moment would think the room had never been cleaned before. Dust coated the corners and cords and wires lay in tangles all along the tables. It was a complete mess.

Finger flying and head bobbing in time to the music, Michael stared at the computer screen that was his life and watched as numbers and letters flew by almost too fast for his mind to register. Almost. For Michael Lee was the best hacker around and nothing could get past him; he was a technological genius. The STN-J was fortunate to have such a person working for them; without Michael their system probably would have been long gone by now.

Not that he had much choice in the matter, anyway. It was, in a sad way, his own fault for ending up like this. In truth, he wasn't so much their employee as their prisoner. A while back, when he had still been an ordinary hacker, the 16-year-old had hacked into the STN-J's computer, believing it to be the same as any of the other government systems he had already broken into. He didn't hack to steal files or data or wreck the systems, he just hacked because he could.

But even so, he was discovered and soon the STN-J was knocking at his door, and before he knew it he had been taken prisoner by them. Faced with the choice of dying for his crime or sacrificing his freedom for a lifetime of working for the witch-hunting agency, he chose the latter and became another member of the team.

But sometimes he wondered if it was worth it; giving up the freedom of his life to sit inside a building with nothing but the virtual world at his fingertips. The only sunshine he had felt in a long time had been weak light filtered through a window. He hadn't felt wind or rain or snow in so long, and for the first time, Michael was beginning to have second thoughts.

"_Mother used to say,_

_if you want you'll find a way._

_Bet mother never danced through fire showers._"

Glancing up, his blue eyes caught sight of the full moon outside; a sigh escaped his lips and he threw down the headphones, turning off the sound that blared through them. Getting up from his chair in front of the computer he wandered over to the barred window, hands shoving themselves into the pockets of his cargo pants. Staring up at the silver orb another sigh left his lips and he found himself thinking of life before the STN-J.

He had been living on his own in an apartment in another area of the city. His computer had been his best friend and he hadn't felt much need to socialize with others. People had just never interested him, and most of them were heartless nowadays anyway. All he needed was the computer, for it would tell him what he wanted to hear, and it's smooth keys and glowing monitor could never betray him. Not like his parents.

Clouds swirled across the surface of the moon and soon afterwards, raindrops began pelting the smooth glass that separated the teen from the rest of his world. The glistening droplets made a quiet plinking sound as the struck the window, splashing the surface and running down in miniature waterfalls that reminded the hacker all too much of things he had tried for years to forget.

"_Walk, in the rain, in the rain, in the rain._

_I walk in the rain, in the rain;_

_is it right or is it wrong?_

_Or is it here that I belong?_"

Images flashed unbidden through his head as the rain stirred up memories that had been buried for years. His mother and father's faces filled his head as his vision grew unfocused and the rain outside blurred even more before his eyes.

He had lived with his parents up until he was about twelve or thirteen, his father had left them right about the same time his mother had gotten sick. It was for the best, she kept telling him, it's better this way because we won't be fighting.

But no matter how hard he tried, Michael just couldn't bring himself to believe her, and quite honestly, he didn't think she had convinced herself either. There was a lingering sadness in her eyes that she tried to hide from her son, but when she thought he wasn't around her guard dropped. The 16-year-old remembered all too well the sounds of her sobs echoing through their house in the earliest hours of the morning when she thought he was asleep.

She got sick soon after and things had just gone downhill from there. The doctor himself had told Michael that his mother might have pulled through if she had tried harder. The middle aged man's words had imprinted themselves on the boy's mind and he remembered them perfectly to this day. "_She's simply lost her will to live, Michael._" The man's voice rang harshly in the hacker's ears; lost her will to live. He snorted at this; What about me?

She had died not too long after and Michael, now almost fourteen had found himself alone in the world and struggling to pick up the pieces of a shattered heart and life.

"_I don't hear a sound,_

_silent faces in the ground._

_The quiet screams, but I refuse to listen._"

Taking what little money he had been left with he had somehow managed to secure himself an apartment, probably because it was in one of the rougher areas of the city. They didn't ask too many questions in those parts. He had spent the rest on his computer, and his days after that were filled with its flat screen and humming sounds.

Doing odd jobs winning an occasional card game had kept him alive and fed in those years, and even though he was alone, he was happy. His trust in people had disappeared when his mother died; if a woman didn't want to live to see her son grow up, how could he even begin to think other people would stick around. If one can't rely on one's own mother, then there's no one else left in the world.

Michael had grown inverted and bitter in those years he spent by himself, and even since coming to the STN-J he was still wary of the others. Robin was the only one he felt he could let his guard down around, and even then he still could not tell her _everything._ She was sweet, but the hacker still couldn't bring himself to trust anyone fully. His heart was still in pieces and so far it was taking him a long time to put it back together.

"_If there is a hell,_

_I'm sure this is how it smells._

_Wish this were a dream, but no, it isn't._"

Bringing himself back to reality with a snap, Michael turned away from the window, a grimace twisting his attractive face. No use longing after what you couldn't have, there was no way he was ever going to step another foot outside this building during his lifetime; he could just see himself as an old man, still sitting at this very table and typing away on this very computer.

Angrily he swept a slender arm across the smooth table surface, sweeping its contents onto the floor. A resounding clatter arose as files, cans, headphones, and various other objects hit the floor; he was glad everyone else had gone home by now, he wouldn't want them seeing his little temper tantrum. Growling, he kicked at the pile of spilled items and watched moodily as they went skittering in all directions across the cold floor.

Slamming a fist down on the now cleared table, he allowed his gaze to wander again to the window and his brow creased with frustration as the rain continued to drum on the glass. What he wouldn't give to just be able to stick his hand out the window, to just feel a few raindrops on his skin. Heck, he would even welcome a freezing cold wind if it meant he could feel fresh air on his face.

Michael shivered slightly as he wandered over to the window once more. It was as if an invisible force were pulling him over to the clear panes, forcing him to look upon the outside world and remember what his crimes had cost him. He felt as if the walls were closing in around him, tighter, ever tighter with each passing moment. Rubbing his suddenly cold arms, he rested his forehead against the glass and looked blankly at the waterfalls running down outside.

"_Walk in the rain, in the rain, in the rain._

_I walk in the rain, in the rain;_

_Why do I feel so alone?_

_For some reason I think . . . of home._"

The teen did not know how long he stood staring at out, all he knew was that all of a sudden the rain stopped. Starting, he blinked and found himself gazing at a rapidly lightening sky. Rubbing tired lids, he glanced over at the doors to the room; the others would be arriving soon and he couldn't afford to let any one them see him like this. Especially Dojima. She would _never_ let him hear the end of this.

Rubbing at his face some more, he was surprised to find his hands were coming away wet with tears he did not know he had cried. Getting angry once more, his eyes swept to the outside and stayed there, staring out at the pale pink expanse sweeping over the dark earth. His hands dropped to the windowsill as he leaned forward, almost pressing his nose against the cool window.

A rainbow, huge and majestic swept its way across the sky, painting its colors wherever it touched and filling the dawn with a sensual glow. Sucking in his breath sharply, Michael felt his heart soar for the first time in ages. He did not know why, but for some reason the sight of the rainbow filled him with a hope he thought had deserted him long ago. A small smile touched his lips briefly and his eyes lit up from within, their azure depths blazing forth like they never had before.

Sighing, he watched the myriad colored arc until it faded from view, and even then he saw the beautiful creation every time he closed his eyes. Turning away from the window with a contented look on his face, Michael found himself face to face with a shorter, blonde form.

Smiling knowingly, the girl touched his cheek with one slender hand and held out a box on donuts with the other. Grinning back, Michael took the gift and touched her arm in return. Going back to his computer, he sat himself down in front of the machine and prepared for another day as the STN-J's personal hacker.


End file.
